A little further down the road

So, the last post was a bit difficult to read and at the same time, so enlightening to see how far I've come. I remember that deep pain. It hasn't been that long. But I do believe it's gone and I'm moving forward. I still have moments of feelings that I can't easily describe. Just feelings of sadness I guess. They slip up on me when I least expect it. There can be any number of triggers. Many of them, well meaning friends and family, driving past an old favorite restaurant, a post on Facebook (silly, I know). They have everything to do with the fact that I did not plan to be single at this point in my life. They have a little bit to do with the lies he told in order to justify his actions, and the people he told them to. I'm still having trouble getting past that. I have this nagging desire to expose him...and I have that desire fairly often. I catch myself wanting to go visit each of "our" friends from the past and tell them the whole story, or I should say the TRUE story. But I have a stronger desire to not be viewed as a crazy person, so that keeps me from the aforementioned quest. The GREAT thing is that I'm learning to get these emotional downturns under control quickly and not let them hold me down. Getting there...getting there...
Ok, now that all that's been said...Life is good. New job, new home, new town. More and more I find myself pausing, at any given moment, and just saying thank you to God for bringing me to this point. Sometimes it feels like it just doesn't get any better. For instance, sitting in the middle of my bed at 2 am, laptop, glass of wine and good music from my iPod playing. That just feels like freedom! I know, 2 am you ask. What can I say...I'm a night owl.
I think about changing my last name back to my maiden name. What do you think? In some ways it seems like an unnecessary action. I feel such negative energy with my current last name. He and his family place it on this imaginary pedistal and hold it up like a great royal banner. Ugh! But at the same time, it's my daughter and grandson's name. For so long, it was important for her to have the same last name as me and our family (long story for another day). Now she's grown and has a child of her own. I suppose it's not that important now. When I think it through, it seems a bit like a waste of time and energy. I'll shelf the idea for now...

The holidays

It's the holiday season, just a few days from Christmas. I feel a little like I'm watching from a distance. This is the first Christmas since the divorce. It's a crazy week with Christmas, my birthday and what would have been our 16th anniversary on New Year's Eve. I'd very much like to spend it someplace tropical where there is no indication of any of the holidays within view. It's amazing how things, and people, change this time of year. Seems like people become a bit more caring of one another...unless you're vying for a parking space at the mall...
So Merry Christmas. It's all about the Son of God and His free gift, the greatest gift of all. If you don't know Him, He's worth getting to know. He really is the Prince of Peace.

Bo

My cat just died. It's just another incident in a long line of them lately. I haven't had him very long, but he was the sweetest little cat I've ever had. RIP Bo.
So why does everything that happens cause me to think about my marital status? This is just life right? But I'm feeling so angry that I'm divorced. I think I'll hit the candy dish.

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